Listening to: The Next Ten Minutes ~ The Last 5 Years
Feeling: Bleh.. Allergies suck. :(

And so does Walmart. Muchly so. Not only does Walmart not have the older Alison Krauss CD's or my brand of hairbrushes, but today they commited the Unforgivable Sin. They.. oh, it's almost too horrible to say. They..... THEY DIDN'T HAVE THE RENT SOUNDTRACK!!!! X_X 

I mean, come on. It came out a full TWO DAYS ago. They should have it by NOW!!! But do they? Of COURSE, they don't!! In fact, the only Broadway CD's they have are Phantom and FREAKIN' SPAMALOT. Shows how much culture they have!!! NONE. Because they SUCK! Instead of having good stuff, they fill their MEASLEY TWO MUSIC AISLES with nothing but rap and LATINO music!! This is AMERICA, PEOPLE!!! We want to listen to AMERICAN MUSIC. Is that so hard to understand?!? And those idiots have the audacity to call themselves a SUPER Walmart! There's nothing super about them! They just stick on a gas station and a food center and call themselves super!! IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

*sigh*

Anyway. I was going to write a big, huge rant about how idiotic coach-teachers are, but I have a headache (what else is new) and I already have two rants lined up for this entry. The first one was above, which you probably just finished reading (or skimming.. or skipping completely... meh). The other is below. Thus, without further ado, I bring you Mindy's Second Rant of the Day:

Say goodbye to me, everyone. For tomorrow shall be my deathday. Indeed, during first period tomorrow I shall die. DIE. For tomorrow is Homecoming. X_____X  I shall have to endure a pep rally- it'll be loud, hot, and completely IDIOTIC. Oh, and redneckish too, but what around here isn't?!? Afterwards, I shall still have to finish the day, with the splitting headache I shall undoubtedly have, and after THAT I shall have to go to the Homecoming parade, which will be even LOUDER and more obnoxious. The only good thing will be if Luke is there. We can throw acorns at the band, like last year. ^_^

I ended the above mini-rant on a slightly happy note, and I shall end this entry in the same fashion. Today's Happy Tidbit: Callen has a date with Corey! *dances and glomps them both*

Congratulations to the happy couple (or whatever they are..), and may they grow old together and have fourteen and a half kids. With that, I bid you all adieu. Mindy... OUT! (Until tomorrow. Oh, you shall hear ALL about the Evil Proceedings tomorrow...)

Listening to: Ghost in this House ~ Alison Krauss
Feeling: ...Empty.

I don't know why I even try to update this anymore. Nobody ever reads it except those two subscribers I don't even know. Not that I *want* anybody to read it, but... Argh. Life just majorly sucks right now.

A whole pile of crap happened last night, and this morning I woke up feeling just really... empty. Emotionless. Like nothing mattered anymore and I was just ready to give everything up. Like suicidal, only not, 'cause it seemed like even that would be pointless. Like I didn't even matter enough to bother killing myself or something. I didn't even feel like listening to music or anything, 'cause that brings out emotion, and I felt like I didn't have any. I was totally detached, like I didn't even exist or something. Still pretty much feel that way... Guess that's why I don't care much if anybody reads this or not.

*sigh* Anybody who *does* read this is gonna think I'm suicidal/insane/whatever. I'm NOT. I'm not even really depressed. It's just really weird. But then, nobody reads this anyway (except for maybe my mum- i think she still reads this, curse her), but she probably won't much care anyway. >_<

Plus, I just found out that I probably won't get to go to Washington next year. I was so looking forward to getting out of this place and AWAY from everything for awhile... 'Twas going to be my chance to prove to my parents that I can actually take care of myself, too. But since I can't go now, I'll never have a chance to do that and they'll wind up not letting me go off to college 'cause "I can't live on my own yet." *coughgagchokedie*

In other news (and in an effort to make this entry seem worth something), Desperate Housewives comes on tomorrow night. <Insert my usual excited squeeing here. I'm too dead to do it tonight.>

Um... oh yeah. I went to the movies today. Saw The Corpse Bride. 'Twas spiff. They didn't attach the RENT trailer, sadly. Paula Abdul is going out with a guy who's a foot too tall for her. She's obviously trying to get her mind off Simon. Just like Tommy and Jude on Instant Star (the season finale of which sucked, by the way). AWA was today. Bet the AnEx folks had fun.

And yeah... I don't have anything else to say. I think I'm gonna go study my Gaelic now. Because I feel like it, I shall leave you all with a song:

Listening to: Still Hurting ~ The Last 5 Years
Feeling: I've got a headache *AGAIN*... But other than that, okay.

Well, the big news of the day: Due to Hurricane Rita, should has been canceled for Monday and Tuesday. Stupid Georgia governor... He's just hoping all the 18-year-olds will re-elect him for this. *grumbles* And of course this is Homecoming week (if you didn't know, that's the one week a year our school sets aside to worship and glorify the football players, the hoochie cheerleaders, and the slutty danceline-ers), and we were going to get to wear costumes to school- a different theme for each day. I was even planning to violate my "no school spirit" policy and dress up as Wicked!Glinda for Character Day. (No one would've recognized me, but I would've gotten two extra points in science, and 'twould have given me an excuse to carry around a spiffy wand to whack people with.) But, alas- Character Day was to be Tuesday, and we're not going to be at school Tuesday. *die*

 I had to stop by my Spanish teacher's classroom after school today to make up two quizzes (I figured out later that I missed a question on one of 'em... I'm so ashamed.), and he and I spent an unknown amount of time just ranting about how it sucked that we were gonna havta miss two days of school and get pushed behind on our schedules. XD He is quite like me in that respect. That's why I luff him. ^_^

I also luff MUSHers. They're some of the coolest people you'll ever meet. I guess it's 'cause there are so few of us that we pretty much *have* to stick together and get along, LoL. In any case, my "sister" on Elendor (the Tolkein MUSH) emailed me today and asked me where I'd been! And here I thought nobody missed me... *sniff, sniff* The only good thing about this whole stupid gas shortage/school missage thing is that I'll actually have some time to RP! I miss it dreadfully.

Season finale of Instant Star tonight, woo-hoo! I don't know why I'm celebrating though, since Jude's *obviously* not going to end up with Tommy. *sigh*

It's 61 days 'til RENT, about a month longer 'til The Producers, and 4 days 'til the RENT soundtrack, Son of a Witch, and the re-release of Idina's CD... I'm really gonna havta go rob a bank for some money to buy all this stuff. >_>

In other astounding news, I actually went to WalMart today (everyone: *faints*) and- get this- they actually had something I wanted! And 'twas a book, at that! I was quite impressed. I still hate them, though.

Elizabeth's birthday party is tomorrow, so I shall have sweet, lovely pizza tomorrow... *drools*

Callen is looking forward to RENT now, too. Apparently they're showing the previews on TV now, woot! The RENT/Wicked love is spreading!! Idina's SO gonna be famous after this movie comes out. =D

And OME. I just found out that I have *2* - count 'em, TWO subscribers! And I don't even know the people! I am astounded. Such a thing is virtually unheard of... Even my friends don't *subscribe*! I feel honored. Whoever you are, subscriber people, I luff you. *glomps*

Listening to: Forgive Me ~ Evanescence
Feeling: Sad... not really depressed, just moody.

...Amy Lee is awesome. </randomness>
Yeah, that was an odd way to start an entry, but I've basically been in an odd mood all day today. It's the sort of mood where you just want to be alone in the dark and watch sad movies and listen to sad songs and read sad/romantic fanfics... You know? Or is it just me? It's just me, isn't it? Meh.

Anyway, today Ocy sent me a great, awesome, wonderful, etc. 2-MINUTE song (way too short!) that basically described how I was feeling and 'twas perfect and stuff, yada yada. So yeah, my new favorite song of the month. 'Tis called Nothing I Can Do, by Amy Studt. Very British-sounding, she is, but she's also got a veddy pretty voice. *_* So, take that one song, add in all of Alexz Johnson's sad/angsty/emotional songs, and pour in a healthy saturation of Evanescence, and you basically have my whole day. And I don't even know why I'm posting this, other than the fact that I feel bad when I go more than five days without posting. Dunno why, nobody reads this anyway... -_-

So let's see, what can I do to make this entry more interesting... Well, Arws got drunk today. XD She learned her lesson though: No more girl talk with Mum. ;-)

In addition to chatting with ever-so-slightly tipsy Arwen and listening to my lovely music, I also spent most of the day working on a boring project for English. I have to research the Massachusetts Bay Colony, which is quite harder than it seems due to the fact that Wikipedia (otherwise known as The Best Research Site Ever) actually had a rather confusing entry on this particular colony. So I go to trusty ol' Google, only to find that pretty much ALL the websites on the MBC are confusing because all the British kings were named after one another, all the other guys were either named George, Thomas or William, and there were so many darned colonies to keep up with that you'd think they'd have eventually given up on actually making one work. They certainly would've, had they known what crap America would turn out to be centuries later. >_<

I actually read, in an English/grammar book I borrowed from a teacher (no, I'm NOT a geek...), that in 200 years British English and American English will be totally different, and the two countries won't even be able to understand each other. Which isn't as surprising as it at first sounds, 'cause we really don't understand each other very well even now. I pride myself on be familiar with most Britishisms, but if you told the average American that you "fancied" someone, their response would be something along the lines of: "...... 0_o."

I, on the other hand, often spell stuff quite Britishly. I've missed questions on spelling tests before 'cause I used the British spelling instead of the American one, which is stupid because the majority of American spellings were made up by Noah Webster, who is obviously just one man, so why should be dictate how I spell my words? I happen to find the "ou" in words like "colour" and the "s" in words like "realise" much more elegant than our vulgar American spellings. A few months ago I went to a sort of summer camp thing with the 4-H club, and there's this dance they call "the shag." Now, for those of you who aren't British-literate, "shag" to a British person means to... you know what, on second thought, if you don't know then you probably shouldn't know. Aaaanyway, being the freak that I am, I'd forgotten about this particular dance, so when we returned to the cabins after a street dance, and one girl asked another one, "Did you shag at the dance?" I looked something like this: "0__0." Imagine my surprise when the other girl answered, "Oh yeah, with two different guys!" I was quite appalled, to say the least. These things are generally discouraged at 4-H functions, after all.

Anyway, for anyone out there who cares, I am currently working on perfecting my Elizabethan grammar and pronunciation. I hope soon to be able to go through a whole day at school using nothing but Elizabethan grammar (except in Spanish class, of course).

In other good news, Mrs. Wiegert has finally been converted to Wicked obsession, woo-hoo! The title of Official Converter goes to Elizabeth (I'm so proud!), and Mrs. Wiegert is now eagerly awaiting tickets for when the show comes to Atlanta. She's even gotten her husband all excited about it, and they're getting tickets for Chrimbo. W00t! <---- You should know that I never use that word. I am obviously either sleepy or very excited. Not sure which one.

In any case, my Sim babies need tending (I haven't played with them since they were born about a week ago), so I shall disconnect now. Adios, mis guisantes pequenos! (Why, yes. I am going to call you a different vegetable with every entry. Aren't you lucky?)

Listening to: That Girl ~ Alexz Johnson from Instant Star (It sorta reminds me of Idina's "Jealous"... Meh.)
Feeling: Me duele la cabeza. :( Other than that, I'm okay, I guess.


Stupid Blogdrive. For so long, it screwed up the alignment of my posts so that they were all centered, and now that the problem's fixed and I can left-align them... I've gotten used to them being centered. -_-

Anyway. It's been like, ten days since I last posted, which is pretty big for me. I'm slipping. :-\ And I was doing so well there for awhile! Ah well. Nothing gold can stay.

Anyway, in the ten long days of my absence, not much has happened. I went to the anime club meeting today. NO, I haven't turned into an anime freak like my sister. >_> I'm doing an article for the local newspaper on the club. 'Twas actually pretty fun, though. :P We watched lots of anime movies/trailers/clips and such that I had pretty much no clue about, and they talked about some manga which I *kind of* knew something about, so hah! And I took some funny random candid pictures, which I shall save and use as blackmail in the future (and remember, dearies, that *I* control the school-wide slide show... Muahaha!). Joey was so bouncily happy for the publicity, he kept thanking me... and Rebecca (supposedly the "secretary" :P) spent the whole time lying on the floor/table/other flat surface, and Ryley kept brushing his big, poofy hair and very *rudely* sticking his feet up on the table... Gotten really self-absorbed, he has. He kept pushing his chair back on its back two legs, and I wanted him to fall *so* badly... :P I also noticed that the AnEx member form has exactly one spelling error and one punctuation error. What? No, I'm NOT picky. ;-)

So anyway, yeah. That's about it... I have *THREE* writing assignments at the moment: an essay for English in which we have to personify an inanimate object or idea, which is due Friday, an English project about the Massachusetts Bay Colony, due a week from this coming Wednesday, and the AnEx article, which thankfully doesn't have a deadline, at least. And yeah, I know none of you really care, but I figured I'd write it anyway. 'Twill help me keep up with the due dates, at least.

Before I end this post, I would like to make an announcement: I just gave birth to twins! Yay! ...Okay, so it was on the Sims. But 'tis still a cause for celebration! See, when I first got The Sims 2 I created my family on there. But we're boring, so I decided to spice us up a lil bit, so... Since then Mum and Dad have had two more kids, Dad has had a kid with the maid, and Mum has had a kid with Don Lothario, who just happens to *live* with the maid! Weird, indeed... But anyway, the good news is that my little mini-me *finally* graduated from college and moved into a big, beautiful house that I downloaded because I am too lazy to create a big, beautiful house of my own, and just yesterday I had two little babies! All together now: AWW!!! I named the girl Mehrunissa Selenë (a combination of a queen of India's name and the middle name of Cleopatra's daughter), and the boy I named after his father. Not telling who the daddy is, though! Tee hee, I feel like such a whore, talking about keeping my babies' daddy's identity a secret... Haha, but of course I *am* a whore anyway, as Arwen can surely attest. :P A thief, a whore, and a liar, that's me... XD Good times, good times...

Whoo... I am *so* sleepy. Can you tell? Eh, I feel kinda drunk, which is weird 'cause I've never been drunk... Meh, anyway, it's 20 minutes past the time Mum told me to be in bed, and I still havta take a shower. Adios, mis zanahorias pequeñas!

Listening to: Goodbye Love ~ RENT
Feeling: ...My eye hurts.

Yeah... I don't have much to say today. The really big news is that all the gas suddenly ran out and there was widespread panic throughout Georgia. Of course, being Georgia, we woke up this morning to find that gas hadn't really run out after all, but that, due to everybody and his brother, sister and mother-in-law rushing out to fill up each of their vehicles, their boats, their spare gas tanks, and anything else they could find to put gas in, there is now a shortage of gas in Georgia. Congratulations, my fellow statesmen. You did it again. Anyway, if you *really* wanna know all the details, you can hear about THAT on any news source on TV, radio, Internet, or any other way you care to find out. Here at Beautifully Tragic, we're just going to make fun of the poor, foolish mortals whose very lives can be thrown into chaos by the simple rumor of a shortage of fossil fuel. Let us take a few moment to do that right now.

................................................................................................................

...There. My, wasn't that fun?

I actually like it when things like this happen. It makes life interesting here in the middle of nowhere, at least. 'Twas great in debate yesterday, with everybody running around and speculating and worrying and calling people and rushing off to get last-minute gas. A certain upperclassman cheerleader, whose name shall not be mentioned, was glued to her cell phone, freaking out and asking, "How could this happen HERE?!? Who would've thought this could happen to us???" Luke and I just looked at each other for a moment, before replying, "Us." She just stared at us. "Why?" "Because," I explained, "we come up with doomsday prophecies for fun." She gave us a classic you are absolutely psychotic look before going back to her frantic cell phone dialing. So then, of course I had to continue and make a doomsday prophecy out of the current situation. "First it's the gas... then there'll be a shortage of milk... then the orange juice'll start to go, and soon afterwards there won't be an chicken! And once the chicken's gone, there'll be widespread panic and everything else will disappear and we shall all starve, and western civilization shall be lost forevermore! Yay!!"

Ahh... what fun. ^_^

In other news, I have *finally* gotten around to changing the colors on my scrollbar so that they match fairly prettily, yay! And I finally got to hear that Romanian gay-boys' song that Luke and Ryley have been singing incessantly. A girl danced to it on So You Think You Can Dance. I must say, it sounded much cooler than when the Luke and Ryley sing it.

Anyway, it's bedtime now, and... I think I'm done... Yeah, I'm done. :D Namarie, dear bloggers!

Listening to: My own spechull medley of Idina Menzel songs. ^_^
Feeling: My head hurts a bit, and my voice is odd... I think I'm coming down with something. :( Pity me, fools.

Soooo... The song I'm on right now is a different version of Idina's "It Only Hurts When I Breathe", and it's... weird. It has electric guitars and stuff... Not as cool as the Ars Nova version. Wait, hold on a minute... There we go. I changed it to "Look At Me Now". 'Tis much better. And naughtier. Heh. ^_^

Anyway, on with today's news!

Just like every other news source in the history of today, I shall start with Hurricane Katrina news. Apparently, it (she?) has made landfall and is currently... uh, off hurricaning very nicely. Or whatever hurricanes do. Anyway, all of us here at Beautifully Tragic would like to wish good luck to Hurricane Katrina on her trek up into the United States.

In other world-shatteringly important news, I got my glasses today. They are matte silver Titanium and they bend and stretch rather nicely. They are still ugly, however. My baby sister told me, "I'm so sorry you have to wear ugly glasses." And replied that I was sorry she was born ugly and that she has that big ugly pimple on her lip. She was mildly offended until I hugged her and said piteously, "We'll just be ugly together, sweetie!" Surprisingly, she agreed...

AAAAAND MY CHOCOLATE CHIP MUFFINS ARE READY!!! *pulls them out of the oven and hugs them, ignoring third-degree burns forming throughout the length of upper body*

...*ahem* (Ooow... it hurts to type now..) Anyway. Back to my glasses. I can see much better, 'tis great and wonderful and yada yada yada. Now that I've fulfilled the terms of my contract with my eye doctor, I can tell my dear, faithful readers how I *really* feel. In truth, it is kinda cool occasionally to look at something and say, "Hey, I can see that!" But, strangely, the first thing I noticed when I put them on was... how wrinkly my Mum is. THEN I look in the mirror and noticed how wrinkly *I* was! Ew! And suddenly I thought, "My God, is this how normal-sighted people see me??? AAAHH! No freakin' wonder I don't have a boyfriend!" *dies*

After that, things didn't get much better. I wore the glasses on the way home and yeah, 'twas totally all great and stuff. 'Cause, I mean, I ALWAYS WANTED to see those random bales of hay off in the distance in exquisite detail! (Note sarcasm dripping from my... erm, typing.) In any case, after awhile I really started to notice something... First off all, they're crooked and I'm gonna havta get them fixeded after school tomorrow. The other thing I noticed is that with glasses on, the world looks so... lineated. It's all so harsh and sharp. Without glasses on, things seem so much... softer. And prettier. I mean, sure it's nice to see the individual petals on the flowers, but 'twas just prettier somehow to see a lovely little swirl of color instead. Actually, it's probably just me. But still... I don't like it. There's enough reality in the world as it is. Seems to me that I should be grateful for as much detachment from reality as I can get.

...Anyway. Mindy's Weekly Rant is brought to you by Mindy's Murders Inc., Elphaba's Scarecrow Company, the Get Idina To Come Do A Show In Georgia Society, and the Georgia-Haters Club (not to be confused with the Georgia Haters Club, which is a made-up club for all the haters in Georgia).

As I'm about done for this entry, I start to think. In what way can I end this entry so that it contributes to the betterment of the community? How can I give my loyal readers a sense of accomplishment? How can I let them feel as if they have a say in the way things go on around here?

Then, as I pondered, weak and weary, upon this... um, afternoon dreary, the perfect idea came to me! Something that would allow my dear bloggers to get involved with the whole decision-making process here at Beautifully Tragic. So, I have decided... *dun dun dun!* to allow you all to help decide what I should name my glasses! Yes, they are female, and yes, they only get one name, even though they are a *pair* of glasses. I actually considered naming each glass, but then I'd have to name the frame, and the screws that hold it together, and by then it was just easier to name the whole darn thing. So I shall. And you all shall help! Tag me or comment to suggest a name. Now, the rules: No normie names, like Brittany or Sue. Be CREATIVE, people!!! Make up a name or something!

'Course, it might help that nobody's gonna reply to this anyway... Ah well, no matter. If not, I shall name them something like Chryseis or Clytemnestra. Nice pretty Greek names. ^_^

Ta-ta for now, whippersnappers! (I feel so OLD with these glasses on!)

Listening to: Defying Gravity ~ Idina & Kristin in San Francisco (unedited lyrics, woo-hoo!)
Feeling: Meh... just, meh.

Our first debate practice was today. We have the largest group of debaters this year that we've had in 22 years! Lotsa people, indeed... Especially when last year there were essentially only 6 of us. It does feel good to be one of the oldbies though... I haven't really felt any more special just because I'm no longer a freshman, until debate today, just because for once I was in on all the jokes, and I actually KNEW WHAT WAS GOING ON!!! 'Twas truly amazing, 'twas...

There's a new guy, Mr. E, who is helping us out with debate this year. Dunno where the debate coach found him (probably just yanked him off the street somewhere...), but he knows his stuff really well. I was kinda disappointed that I didn't get to show off my killer speed-reading skills, though. :(

In other news, the RENT blog has been updated (possibly for the last time... *sob*) with video blogs from EACH AND EVERY ONE of the cast. 'Tis truly amazing. The sad part is that, for some STUPID reason, the RENT blog people didn't post these new videos in QuickTime, and my Media Player and RealPlayer suck and/or are hopelessly screwed, which means that I cannot watch Idina's new video... The best I can get are jerky images and tinny sound. *cries hysterically* And she's so pretty in this video...! In the last one she was so tired, poor thing, that she looked like she was high or something... But she's her usual beautiful, perfect self in this one (from what I can tell, grr...). At least her voice still sounds lovely, even if when she's not singing... I swear, I'd buy a CD of that woman just reading the dictionary... *sigh*

Other recent developments include Ryley and Callen scheduling a last-ditch effort to save their relationship this Friday. Will they or won't they? Join them (and me) down at the movie theater on Friday afternoon to catch the action!

(...Don't worry, guys. I'm not *actually* going to go watch Ryley and Callen cuddle and snuggle and whatnot... Sheesh. It's not like I don't have a love life of my OWN, I mean, come on... *huggles Michael Phelps plushie*)

And, in a surprising/amazing/wondrous/unlikely/etc. turn of events, my 'rents have decided that I may apply to be a page in Washington my junior year. ALL SCHOOL YEAR LONG! They're actually gonna let me!!! *is still in awe* Mum emailed our representative yesterday to get more información about the program. Whee!

I've actually been thinking a LOT about that... I wouldn't *have* to miss school; they offer a summer program too. But you know... I would actually rather go up there during the school year. It'd be a chance to get out of here, get some experience living (almost) on my own in the city, taking care of myself... The sucky parts are the ugly uniforms I'd have to wear, and possibly limited Internet access... and the fact that I wouldn't see my family for more than half a year. And then I thought about that even further... I never see anybody over the summer, because I never get out of the house. Thus I came to the momentarily stunning conclusion that, if I were to leave at the beginning of next school year and stay in Washington DC until the end... I wouldn't see anybody from school for a year and a half.

An entire year and a half, never seeing the people I now go to school with every day. Granted, most of them I hate, many more of them I dislike, and several I am neutral about... But there are a few that I actually like, and one or two that I am really, genuinely fond of. And when I think about not any of them for more than a year, and not seeing my home and my house and my baby sister and not having chocolate chip muffins for the better part of a year... Well, I must say, it's kinda scary.

But it's also interesting to think about... How much different would everybody look after a year and a half? People can change dramatically over the summer; I probably wouldn't even recognize a lot of them after a year... I wonder if my house would look smaller when I came back, if my baby sis would be any taller, if I would or wouldn't like the same foods that I used to after not having them for so long. I wonder if I would forget how to find my way around the high school, what people's names were, where teachers' rooms were... When I returned, so much would have happened. When I came back I would be bombarded with "So-and-So had a baby while you were gone!" and "So-and-So have been going out for a year now!" I wonder how much I would miss of debate. I would miss my junior prom (not that I'm going anyway), getting a class ring, getting a junior yearbook and my debate letterman jacket, and.. OME, I'd even miss the graduation test! 'Course, they'd find some way to make that up, obviously... But still! So much will have happened... So much will have changed. Will anybody miss me? Will they ever think of me?

So, 'twill be interesting to see if I can get in, and even more interesting to see how everything plays out... All these things seem inconceivable to me now, but I wonder how much I will remember, after all. And after spending a year and a half away from home... I wonder how many people would remember me.

Listening to: One Song Glory ~ RENT
Feeling: Totally, completely, absolutely, positively crappy.

Ugh... I just hate *everything*. I'm sleepy, and I'm supposed to be in bed, and I'm so depressed that I just want to go to sleep and forget... but I can't 'cause I'm afraid of having another night like last night. Last night I had more nightmares than I think I've ever had in one night.

Have you ever felt so pathetic, and you hated yourself for feeling that way, and hating yourself only made you feel more pathetic? Have you ever gotten out of depression and felt really good and proud of yourself, 'cause for a really long time you weren't depressed, then had something happen that just ruined it all and catapulted you back into depression? Have you ever wanted something, and just when you learned to stop wanting it something happened and made you want it again, even though you really didn't want to and you knew you could never have it, and if you did it'd only make you unhappy? And then you feel pathetic for wanting something you can't have and you know would be bad for you, and so it goes on and on...

Yeah, well. That's how I'm feeling right now. *sigh* I wish Ocy were online. She gives good advice. And she doesn't judge me... The advantage to having a friend on the other side of the planet. They can't really judge you, even if they want to. But... *why* does there have to be such a time zone difference?? Unfortunately, there is, so the only thing I can do is sit here and do boring, random things on the Internet, and listen over and over to select sad songs from RENT, and wish to God I had someone to talk to about all this... *randomly quotes lyrics from RENT*

How did I get here... how the hell? How can a night so frozen be so scalding hot? How can a morning this mild be so raw? Why are entire years strewn on the cutting room floor of memory, when single frames from one magic night forever flicker in the 3-D Imax of my mind? (That's poetic... eh, that's pathetic.)

Lalala... on one good note, Jessica's apparently not going to go out with Ryley after all. According to her blog, she's completely in love with Chrys and (from what I could make out... I had to read between all the curse words she threw around here and there) he's being an idiot (like all guys) and treating her rather badly... I can totally relate. *pats Jessica* 'Twill be okay. Eventually we'll all die anyway. Thank Eru for small consolations. ^_^

God... I hate life.

After tossing and turning from nightmare after nightmare last night, I woke up to just another sucky Saturday. I had to do some work outside (*dies*) and I also had to wash loads of dishes, both of which ensured that my hands will be all icky and dry for the rest of the weekend at least. >_<

Yesterday was the pep rally and club day. Club day was boring, as always, and the pep rally was, of course, extremely hot and loud. 'Twas horrible. Luckily, we had fun in science class later on, so 'twas okay after all.

'Course, no day in Mindy's life would be complete without at least one instance that made me feel completely idiotic, totally worthless, or just plain annoyed. So when I walked into early morning yesterday, Mrs. Wiegert decided that it was just going to be one of those days where she hates me (they pop up rather randomly), and she bit my head off for not getting the teachers' names right on the schoolwide slide show. -_- So then I cussed and Tiffany was all, "OMG Mindy I thought you were better than that!!1!" ...Kill me.

Then Tiffany decided to makeover Jessica, and Jessica was in a bouncy happy mood, so she was flirting with everybody. And when I mentioned that she seemed to be coming onto somebody (can't remember who it was), somebody else said something about her always flirting with Ryley. So then she's like, "Oh yeah, he and I are going to the concert thingy tomorrow!" Then last night after the football game (which I happily stayed home from), Callen said that Jessica was hanging all over Ryley at the game. Jessica even came up to Callen and told her something like, "Ryley's been really happy lately. He's so much nicer to me since he broke up with you."

Now, Jessica and I tolerate each other for the most part, and occasionally even like each other. I knew she could be a bitch. I knew she was a terrible flirt, and *everybody* knows she's had a thing for Ryley ever since she met him. But Elbereth... I didn't know she could be so horrible. Callen and I have gotten really close during the last few months, and I know how upset she is by the whole Ryley thing. Even if Jessica didn't know how much Callen is still hurting, though, she should know better than to say something like that to somebody that just got her heart broken.

So anyway, to hopefully get my mind off the idiocy of my schoolmates, I went blog surfing. You know, just randomly clicking on link after link, so see if I know the person. Thus, I found out that Ryley has changed blogs (again), and has betrayed Blogdrive by getting an evil Xanga. I shall try to avoid a rant here, but my opinion of Xanga is... let's just say, not very nice. At all. For one thing, it doesn't let you leave comments or search or anything unless you're a Xanga member. And for another thing, Xangas just aren't as streamlined as Blogdrives. They don't look as professional or something... But who cares, the people that use them are hardly mature, either. >_>

In my blogging travels, I also discovered another guy from school's blog, and found that, to my faint surprise, it's not just one certain unnamed boy that likes to get on his blog(s) and obsess and carry on about the current love of his life. This is, apparently, quite a common occurence. "I love her soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!" these hormone-saturated loverboys proclaim. "She is such a special person, she always makes me happy and I've never felt this way before in my life!" Now, where have I heard that before?? It seems that all these boys have a guidebook somewhere that tells them exactly what sentiments to include in these love-stricken rants. Either that, or my earlier theory was correct, and all teenage guys do, indeed, have the exact same simple, slightly screwed up brain structure.

I especially hate it when they say that they would die for this girl. I would bet my life (which isn't worth much) and my Dell DJ (which is worth quite a lot) that if these guys were faced with the choice to either die a painful, fiery death and spend eternity in hell, or to send their beloved sweetheart to that fate in their stead, they would not hesitate to choose the latter.

And the worst part is that when they eventually do tire of the poor girl (about as often as they tire of the blog they're currently using), they drop both girl and blog, not bothering to either explain their reasons to the girl, or to take the trouble to delete the old blog. Leaving the heartbroken ex-girlfriend to bookmark the blog and read it every other day, crying over loverboy's proclamations of love that mean so little, and pining for the way said boy "used to be".

And, if I can just add one more little tiny rant, I *hate* all the poser HIM fanatics. They wear heartagrams without even really knowing what they mean, and they think HIM is the awesomest band ever just 'cause Bam Margera said so. So they stick lyrics like "Join Me In Death" everywhere, and do they ever really sit there and analyze how the lyrics affects them, or even WHY they connect to this music? Of course not. They just think it's cool. I mean, come on. The lead singer of HIM can't even speak intelligible English. Thus, most of their songs aren't intelligible, either. The hardcore fans even disagree over what the exact lyrics to some songs are. When the true, fanatical fans of a band spend their time debating over what the freakin' lyrics are, you know there's something wrong.

*sigh* I just hate this whole place and all the people in it... They're so hypocritical, and so naive, and so ignorant. The girls are mostly whores and the guys are all hormone-driven, lying pricks. So now I've made all the skaterboys and teenage girls in the tri-county area mad, plus Jessica is now probably plotting my demise and the obsessive HIM fans are picketing outside my house. Why do I have such a knack for this stuff?

Thank Eru, I'll probably be leaving soon. Next school year I'm gonna go to Washington DC to be a page in the House of Representatives. I get to spend the *entire* school year there. 'Tis going to be great. The pages get spiffy, awesome dorms,  only four hours of school every day (including ADVANCED foreign language classes!), which are held in the absolutely BEAUTIFUL Library of Congress (if you've never been there, it's gorgeous... it looks like a palace, I swear), *and* they get paid roughly $1,000 a month. Plus, they get free run of Capitol Hill, and security clearance to use the underground tunnel network that connects all the government buildings. On a side note, the Capitol actually has great food, too... Awesome? Totally. And I found out today that I meet the criteria for it, woo-hoo! So guess where I'll be spending my junior year? ^___^ 

Just a random odd thought... Josh Peck is on TV, and now that he's lost weight and grown out his hair, he's strangely... hot. 0_o

So anyway, I think that's about it... 'Twas another total rant. *sigh* Ah well. One of the few things I'm good at.